Battle of the binge!

One day I was researching something for a client and came across information about binge eating disorders and it hit a nerve.

According to definitions, my eating has been pretty symptomatic of a binge eating disorder which can be characterised as (courtesy of reachout.com):

feeling that your eating is out of control

eating what most people would consider to be a large or excess amount of food on a regular basis

eating to the point of feeling uncomfortable

eating large amounts of food, even when you are not really hungry

being secretive about what is eaten and when

being embarrassed by the amount of food eaten

feeling disgusted, depressed or guilty about overeating.

I also feel like I have a tendency towards addiction. I find when it comes to food (and alcohol) I act a lot on compulsion and without thought. I'd find myself thinking 'HOLY SHIT! I'm not actually sure how to stop eating'.

All these problems came to a head when I got back from India. There was so much food I was looking forward to eating (I can't tell you how much I missed dried fruit...of all things?!), so much alcohol I'd missed out on drinking (which I consumed enough of in Goa but apparently it wasn't), so much exercise I could do that would justify the eating and drinking I'd be doing (remind me to tell you about the circuits I used to do in our 30 degree room with no fan, my poor room mate)! Well, apparently not! There wasn't enough exercise I could possibly do that would make up for the drinking and eating I was about to get up to! I started to develop fantastic skills when it came to training with a hangover, it's a fine art I'm happy to say I perfected then stopped ('Thanks Sal' -Your liver).

I've never come back from being away and been so miserable. My poor Mum met me at the airport, so excited to have me home and all I could do was cry miserable tears.

Adjusting to being home, no longer being in a relationship and getting back in to the swing of things started all kinds of bad habits. I was drinking until I was sick every weekend (BIG Thanks to everyone who tolerated my crazy antics during this time - spew, tears and all..you know who you are- I loves ya!), I was eating whatever I felt like (I'm pretty sure I personally financed the CEO of Allens lollies income for a while there!), I was eating how ever much I felt like and I seemed to have lost all motivation and control that i had before I'd left for India.

Only in the past month or so (more than a year since I left for India) have I started to feel in control again. Balance is something that I find really difficult. I decided that I would use as many resources as possible to reinstate some kind of stability in my life.

At the moment, I use an app on my phone to document everything I eat and drink, I record my workouts on a watch that measures the intensity of my work out (as well as calories burnt and heart rate), I keep a diary and now I'm writing this blog.

These are helping somewhat but I still struggle with feelings of guilt and reward around food...

I'm trying to narrow down what it was that worked so well when I initially started training with Paul and Cind. Stay tuned for what I've narrowed it down to!